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by Ben, last updated 2008-01-31 18:57:45

 The hurly bird catches the worm

 by Gerry McDonnell

Call me old-fashioned, but i believe that fidelity remains the cornerstone of a successful relationship. I would never cheat on my wife, unless the opportunity arose.

I have serious doubts over my wife's respect for monogamy. The word on the street is that Ashley Cole was physically sick while performing the horizontal 64-second jig, which fits in perfectly with the wife's M.O.

I can't condemn Cole too strongly, as he's not the first man to hurl after munching on a late-night kebab. On reflection, he probably should have stuck with a sausage sandwich. A Chelsea draw against Pompey ticks all the right boxes at 5/2, and then cleans them with disinfectant.

It's been reported that Ashley refused to wrap up his little heat-seeking missile before sending him into battle. Apart from the obvious risk of pieces falling off, there is also the danger of an unwanted pregnancy. If I didn't regularly suffocate my mini whale-hunter, I could have had three children by now. Fulham are also lackadaisical in defence, they're on a 14 match winless streak. Aston Villa will take full advantage at 7/5.

Adebayor is a quality player, but you can't solve a problem by planting your nut on it; we haven't all moved to Scotland. I can't get my head around the 10/11 for an Arsenal win over Manchester City.

Liverpool need a new slogan to commemorate their status as the European Capital of Culture. I've suggested, 'Liverpool - Making fat kids cry since 2008'. I'll be inconsolable if the Reds beat Sunderland, I've been tempted by the 4/1 for a draw.

With Liverpool stuttering like Jeremy Beadle's manicurist, a 4th place finish is unexpectedly up for grabs. I expect Blackburn v Everton to be tighter than Mido's belt as the war for four intensifies. I'm sitting on the fence at 9/4.

Dave Kitson is in line for a shock call up to the England side. The Reading hitman will be overjoyed if he earns his first cap, as sunlight is a long-term foe. I've seen the light; I've backed Reading at 6/5 at home to Bolton.

Cheryl Cole has followed Danielle Lloyd's lead in refusing to dump her allegedly unfaithful partner. What is it that makes these strong women stand by their men? I'll get my hands on lots of money when Manchester United beat Tottenham at even money.

Now that Barack Obama has revealed himself to be a Hammer, Dave Whelan must be regretting his campaign to relegate West Ham towards the end of last season. Whelan may be able to fix the price of an England shirt, but he's going to lose a power battle with potentially the next leader of Iran. The Hammers have a 100% record at the JJB in the Premier League; Barack and I will be on at 9/5.

If Derby were to avoid relegation, it would be the greatest shock since i arrived home from work early to find the wife in a degrading position; she was lying on the floor watching Beadle's About. I'll be even more disappointed if Birmingham fail to beat Derby at 4/7.

It was a case of déjà vu for Kevin Keegan as Newcastle lost 3-0 to Arsenal in midweek; a few lads hit him on the head with a baseball bat. It's definitely wrong to kick someone when they're down, unless you're Alan Shearer. Newcastle isn't big enough for Keegan and Big Al, so God knows how Frank Lampard ever played there. 10/11 is plenty big enough for a Newcastle win over Middlesbrough.

Like Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard has allegedly had a wandering eye. I can see why Lampard would have suitors, who amongst us doesn't like a large pair of breasts? Arsenal, Birmingham, Manchester United and Aston Villa form an accer that stands out at a particularly pert 11/1.



Weekend Betting:


Man City v Arsenal Saturday 2nd February 12:45 Live on Sky

Man City 10/3
Draw 12/5
Arsenal 10/11

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
Adebayor and Eduardo both to score 8/1

Birmingham v Derby Saturday 2nd February 15:00

Birmingham 4/7
Draw 13/5
Derby 11/2

Get on: Birmingham

Match Special:
McFadden to score at any time 8/5

Blackburn v Everton Saturday 2nd February 15:00

Blackburn 11/8
Draw 9/4
Everton 2/1

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
No goalscorer in the match 8/1

Portsmouth v Chelsea Saturday 2nd February 15:00

Portsmouth 4/1
Draw 5/2
Chelsea 8/11

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
Baros to score in a 1-1 draw 25/1

Reading v Bolton Saturday 2nd February 15:00

Reading 6/5
Draw 9/4
Bolton 11/4

Get on: Reading

Match Special:
Kitson to score the first goal 5/1

Tottenham v Man Utd Saturday 2nd February 15:00

Tottenham 3/1
Draw 12/5
Man Utd Evs

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Ronaldo to score direct from a free kick 7/1

Wigan v West Ham Saturday 2nd February 15:00

Wigan 8/5
Draw 23/10
West Ham 9/5

Get on: West Ham

Match Special:
West Ham to score three or more goals 6/1

Liverpool v Sunderland Saturday 2nd February 17:15 Live on Setanta

Liverpool 3/10
Draw 4/1
Sunderland 10/1

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
Sunderland +1.5 goals 23/20

Newcastle v Middlesbrough Sunday 3rd February 13:30 Live on Sky

Newcastle 10/11
Draw 23/10
Middlesbrough 10/3

Get on: Newcastle

Match Special:
Duff to score the only goal of the game 45/1

Fulham v Aston Villa Sunday 3rd February 16:00 Live on Sky

Fulham 9/4
Draw 9/4
Aston Villa 7/5

Get on: Aston Villa

Match Special:
Carew to score with a header 7/2



 Premiership Betting - Matchday 25 Preview (Feb 2-3)


As the first Premiership fixtures of February approach, the table is becoming increasingly stretched, with a massive forty-nine points separating the teams at the top and bottom. January transfer activity is complete so teams must stand or fall with their revised squads, but its look like being a three horse-race for the title, and a blanket finish for relegation, with almost half the table in potential jeopardy. Make sure you take advantage of up to 60% better Premiership betting odds at PinnacleSports.com.


Spurs Need to Reverse FA Cup Form With Man Utd

Tottenham entertain Manchester United at White Hart Lane on Saturday afternoon, looking to reverse the form of the recent FA Cup meeting at Old Trafford. The Red Devils ran out comfortable 3-1 winners, despite going behind to an early Robbie Keane goal. It was United’s ninth win in their last ten games, and continued their dominance over the Londoners. Spurs last beat Man Utd in 2001, a run of 14 games, but they did recently end an equally long jinx held by their neighbours, Arsenal, showing records are there to be broken.

Spurs’ coach, Juande Ramos, has had his first opportunity to mould his own squad in the January transfer window. The Spaniard has clearly focused on problems in defensive areas, signing Alan Hutton and Jonathan Woodgate to help plug the worse home defence in the Premiership (joint with Fulham). Woody made an immediate impact with a man-of-the-match performance in the 0-0 midweek draw at Everton. The home crowd will hope for a continuation of recent home form, AS Tottenham have won four straight at the Lane scoring 15 goals. PinnacleSports.com price Man Utd 1.926 (-0.5) with Spurs 2.000 (+0.5) – a market priced to less than 102%.


Man City’s Unbeaten Home Record to Be Tested by Gunners

Manchester City have survived 12 games at their Eastlands Stadium this season without being beaten. That run includes the visit of Liverpool and rivals Man Utd, neither of whom managed to score. Arsenal will provide another severe test of City’s resolve when they visit on Saturday. Though their unbeaten home record remains intact, the Laser Blues’ form has dropped of late, drawing the last three at the City of Manchester, and failing to beat bottom club Derby on Wednesday night. That blip has coincided with a dip in form of key playmaker Elano, who has suffered from minor injury, and becoming a marked man.

This is the kind of high profile game that the Brazilian should relish, up against the likes of Cesc Fabregas, one of Europe’s best attacking midfielders. Similar to Elano, Fabregas has had a quiet start to 2008, but did get on the score-sheet Tuesday night against Newcastle, signally a return to form. The Gunners have gone eight Premiership games unbeaten and Emmanuel Adebayor is on fire scoring six goals in as many games. However, bettors should bear in mind that Arsenal lost this fixture 1-0 last season. PinnacleSports.com make Arsenal marginal favourites 1.893 (-0.5) with 2.040 (+0.5).






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