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by Ben, last updated 2008-04-17 19:00:51

 There Ste Goes Again

 by Gerry McDonnell

As a society, we're obsessed with appearance. I blame teen magazines for perpetuating the myth that skinniness equals beauty. If I had to choose between a thin girl and a lady with a fuller figure, I'd choose the one with the better personality. Obviously, if they're equally pleasant, then fatty's out of luck.

Men are far less uptight about how they look. Petr Cech was happy to return to work when half of his face was hanging off; he wasn't concerned that he looked like Steve Bruce's better looking brother.

Cech was back between the sticks within no time, as he managed to borrow the necessary protection from Ashley Cole. Not many people own chin guards, but Cashley is always wary of bouncing balls. I'll be jumping up and down when Everton beat Chelsea at 14/5.

Juande Ramos believes that his players should take pride in their appearance, and has banned cakes and sweets from the canteen. I agree with Juande on this one; I'll only consider a muffin once a year. If Wigan get their head down against Tottenham, they can take a point at 5/2.

Gareth Southgate is far more relaxed with his players' diet. In Mido and Alves, he has the fattest pair up front since a heavily pregnant Jordan. Bolton are about as pleasing to the eye as Peter Andre's often visited partner; a relatively attractive Boro will overpower them at 11/10.

Thaksin Shinawatra is taking a real gamble in considering Phil Scolari as a future coach. Big Phil once punched an annoying player at the end of a match; there's a real chance that he might raise a fist to Ashley Cole. Pompey haven't won away at Manchester City since 1963, I'm going in deep on Sven's men at 11/8 to gain revenge for being tucked up on the Benjani deal.

Steven Gerrard has suffered panic attacks ever since a gangster threatened to break his legs; he now collapses without warning roughly every 30 minutes. The precipitating midfielder and his pals have lost on their last two trips to the Cottage; current circumstances dictate that we back Fulham at 3/1.

Arsenal's season can be compared to putting your hand up Lily Allen's blouse: it's been exciting, but the end result is a disappointment. It wouldn't surprise me if the Gunners laid a marker for next season by pounding Reading at 4/11.

Paul Jewell's move to Derby is officially the greatest mistake since I fell for the 'I'm on the pill' line. After a six goal humiliation at home to Aston Villa, the Rams travel to West Ham to face a side who beat them 5-0 at 'Pride' Park. Derby have two hopes in this one, Bob Hope and no hope; and Bob Hope's dead. The Hammers are the weekend banker at 2/5.

Many people believe that Mark Hughes will be the next manager of Manchester United. I'm not sure if Hughes is ready to succeed Sir Alex just yet, he needs to work on his referee-haranguing. I'd consider offering the position to Fergie's son; he would soon knock them into shape. United will pile in to Blackburn at 8/13.

I was shocked to receive an email suggesting that I was out of line for calling Karen Brady unattractive. I guess the old adage is true: one man's meat is another man's poison, unless you're Ashley Cole. Aston Villa are one win away from their second straight double over the Brady bunch, and they're guaranteed a goal start if Ridgewell plays. I've seen worse bets than the 5/6 for a Villa win; I tipped them up last week.

If Freddie Shepherd is to be believed, and why wouldn't he, the women of Newcastle are not the best looking breed. No wonder Jimmy Nail, Paul Gascoigne and Peter Beardsley left the area. It could get real ugly when the Toon Army host Sunderland; I'll side with Newcastle at 5/6.

If, like me, your partner is less than pleasing aesthetically, feel free to use my adage to help them feel a little bit better about themselves. 'Beauty fades, but a solid ironing technique will last forever'. I'm not sure how long the 13/1 will last about this week's accer: Arsenal, West Ham, Aston Villa, Newcastle and Manchester City are the quite stunning selections.



Weekend Betting:


Everton v Chelsea Thursday 17th April 19:45 Live on Sky

Everton 14/5
Draw 5/2
Chelsea 23/20

Get on: Everton


Arsenal v Reading Saturday 19th April 12:45 Live on Sky

Arsenal 4/11
Draw 4/1
Reading 11/1

Get on: Arsenal


Fulham v Liverpool Saturday 19th April 15:00

Fulham 3/1
Draw 5/2
Liverpool Evs

Get on: Fulham


Middlesbrough v Bolton Saturday 19th April 15:00

Middlesbrough 11/10
Draw 23/10
Bolton 11/4

Get on: Middlesbrough


West Ham v Derby Saturday 19th April 15:00

West Ham 2/5
Draw 4/1
Derby 9/1

Get on: West Ham


Wigan v Tottenham Saturday 19th April 15:00

Wigan 7/4
Draw 5/2
Tottenham 7/4

Get on: Draw


Blackburn v Man Utd Saturday 19th April 17:15 Live on Setanta

Blackburn 11/2
Draw 3/1
Man Utd 8/13

Get on: Man Utd


Aston Villa v Birmingham Sunday 20th April 12:00

Aston Villa 5/6
Draw 13/5
Birmingham 4/1

Get on: Aston Villa


Newcastle v Sunderland Sunday 20th April 13:30 Live on Sky

Newcastle 5/6
Draw 5/2
Sunderland 7/2

Get on: Newcastle

Man City v Portsmouth Sunday 20th April 16:00 Live on Sky

Man City 11/8
Draw 23/10
Portsmouth 11/5

Get on: Man City



 Pinnacle Asian Handicap Preview


Man Utd now have one hand firmly on the Premiership trophy after a momentous 2-1 victory over close Premiership rivals, Arsenal, at Old Trafford last Sunday, was followed by Chelsea’s shock draw at home to Wigan on Monday. United’s coach, Alex Ferguson, believes they could tie up the title with wins in the next two games, but it could be all over before then, if the Blues fail to win at Goodison Park on Thursday night. Go to PinnacleSports.com for 60% better Premiership betting odds on all remaining fixtures.


Victory or Bust For Chelsea at Goodison Park

Though Chelsea travel to Goodison Park on Thursday night for their second league game within 72 hours, fatigue shouldn’t be an issue. Following Monday’s dropped points at home to Wigan, the Londoners’ motivation is clear; with just four games to peg back the Red Devils’s five point lead, and a vastly inferior goal-difference, they simply must beat Everton or wave goodbye to the Premiership title. Coach, Avram Grant’s decision to rest Didier Drogba and Joe Cole on Monday backfired, while Frank Lampard was a late withdrawal due to his mother’s ill health. All three should start for this must-win game.

Everton’s UEFA Cup ambitions for next season guarantee this will be a highly competitive game, that could easily derail the visitors title challenge. The Toffees have lost just three home games this season, but tellingly those defeats were against Liverpool, Arsenal and Man Utd, who make up the top four sides along with Chelsea. Everton are ending the season with a whimper, winning just one of their last five league games, following exit from the UEFA Cup. The ongoing absence of midfielder, Tim Cahill, is a huge blow, while their other key playmaker, Mikel Arteta, hasn’t trained for over week and missed the weekend draw at Birmingham. PinnacleSports.com price Chelsea favourites 1.855 (0/scratch & -0.5), with Everton 2.080 (0/scratch & +0.5) – a market priced to less than 102%.


Lancashire Derby Represents Potential Banana-skin for Man United

Alex Ferguson, the wily coach of Premier League leaders, Man Utd, has targeted wins in the next two of his side’s four remaining games – against Blackburn on Saturday, and Chelsea on week later – to put a tenth Premiership title within his grasp. Wigan did United a huge favour with their draw at Stamford Bridge on Monday night , but the short journey down the road to Blackburn’s Ewood Park, is a potential banana-skin. Not only is it a local Derby, but Rovers’ manager, Mark Hughes, is a Man Utd legend with designs on succeeding Fergie, when the 66 year old eventually retires.

United have won the last three meetings of these sides, but at Ewood Park they have taken maximum points in just one of the last seven visits; that statistic should give United backers’ some concern. The one clear mitigating factor against Blackburn’s chances is that they are floating in mid-table with nothing to play for other than spoiling United’s party. The league leaders will be hugely boosted by last weekend’s win over Arsenal, and Chelsea’s slip-up, but bear in mind that their last away game, at Boro ended in a disappointing 2-2 stalemate. PinnacleSports.com price Man Utd 1.826 (-0.5 & -1) with Blackburn 2.110 (+0.5 & +1).


*All odds subject to change






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